Kimberley’s Annual Birthday Super Letter It’s that

time of year again folks where people call and remind me, that I need to celebrate a certain awesomely

spectacular occasion.  I know what you’re thinking,

didn’t Kimberley just get older a few weeks back, and

yes it was….. 52 of em ago… Some of you know as I’m

sending this, that a crazy bunch of us are going to

Vegas, yes I’m going on a plane….to party with Pirates

arrrrrrrrrrrrrr and face my fears walking on the super

high grand canyon, glass walkway.

I’m accepting bets I don’t walk on the actual

glass………and chicken out.  What, you say, Vegas and

you didn’t invite me?? I’m sure I did on Facebook, I will make it up to you if

you come to my after Vegas,

All Vegas Party, March 7^th.

 this is actually the Saturday after I get back. 

Yes, the big 40 party that no one thought even I would make! 

Now I know what you’re thinking, did Kimberley really

turn 39 last year?  And answer would be yes for real. 

While I will actually be turning 40, on top of the world,

 literally, flying over Bellingham approx, as I fly home

from Vegas, I will however accept no excuses for not

making me a HOME MADE HEART FELT Birthday

cards, with or without macaroni, hearts and happy faces 

Of course the usual flowers, Yellow and White mixed,

will be gratefully accepted. 

This years landmark birthday is also in celebration of

my dear friend Helen’s 40^th birthday  ( she’s 5 days

older, I think, she was born in New Zealand and I still

cant figure it out.) whom I am going to Vegas with,

we’ve been friends half our lives!  Which reminds me, I

just moved, so if you didn’t get  this invite, its because I moved to avoid you, all the

rest can come and celebrate my new house, VEGAS

Style, that mean Poker, not me Rhonda, who will be

dressed up like Marilyn Monroe, she doesn’t know yet,

and that’s right I’m going to marry Elvis, just a cut out

pretend Elvis, relax. After the Vegas antics we will

partake in not less than three cakes, which may be filled with Burlesque

dancers, of which I know nothing about.  So bring a

beach chair and gather your Vegas sparkly shit and something to sit on, don’t look surprised if

there’s no couch, I really don’t have any! RSVP and let

me know your coming and if you can  bring party stuff

like little triangle egg salad sandwiches with the crusts

cut off….. 

I sure hope you can make it 

Kimberley!~~~~Please email kimberleybeaudoin@hotmail.com

Posted: March 15th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments: none

Viva Las Vegas

So lil catching up here, ive been a lil busy.  The Diva Den got too small and had to be moved to larger head quarters…. OK really my basement flooded and my old land lords and hot mess.  Now dusting has to be scheduled in my new 4000 sq foot digs???  The bigger the place the more ya pay someone to clean it….!  

I hired movers, and im not saying ……but im missing some stuff.  I wonder if GPS can locate my GPS, wouldn’t that be nice.  Me and my CSI’ing mind.   Im also missing a very expensive video camera in it ..footage, it someones lucky day…  I was timecoding and truly theres nothing like paying someone to burn ya.  im gonna google file my serial numbers and catch somebody’s ass.  You can find some cheap gems while your hunting for possesions. 

 I bought a new desk for the office, its not big enough but im dealing with it.  Im super set up with more bells and whistles than ever!! AC, got a hot tub for my Birthday and bought a new cabana, thanks to Dom for setting it up and to Charlotte for letting me borrow your boyfriend, tre cool. 

I turned the big 40,  ya whatever…… I get asked for ID buying smokes.    I have a friend who turned 40 as well, a week apart, so off to Vegas we went.  Nothing was stopping me so i opted for no cancelation insurance, then i got pnumonia the day before i left.  Lucky I got antibiotics you could drink on, thanks Doc!

So I brought the party on the plane, Westjet was tre cool about it!  We shopped and gawked and swam and saw and did mega fun stuff.  I was able to spend quality time catching up with a long time friend, which to be true made my trip fabulous the first night and I could have came home happy after one day.  So the rest was gravy, but we still Thelma and Louised it to the Grand Canyon.  Which BTW i wasnt totally into because I was aware they got ripped off,  chased by troopers and died. 

So I rent a PT Cruiser, cause i know where all the buttons are, and the little arm rest slides forward, cause im short and all, and the gay guy at the rent a car gave us clear instructions on a flippy map.  So i had to spend 12 American dollars on a GPS which spent the first 2 hours re calculating and diverting us from LA, good times!  So in his gay southern voice, imagine now, you take 215 to 93 south, he had his highlighter pen for extra help!  93 turns into 95, now you go down 95 for 41 miles, not K, got that, turn left.  Dont pass it, watch your miles, if you miss it it takes 3 miles to do a U turn.  K so turn left down 41 miles and take a right on the dirt road for 49 more miles…. 

We like dirt roads in the cruiser, so im up for it all.  We grab the map drive out, my friends cant believe im driving in Nevada.  We finally go through bomb patrol after an hour crawling through Hoover Dam, long story and get to the west point of the Grand Canyon.  Dirt road, 5 lanes wide, im in my glory. 

We roll up, a lady tells us to park.  It looked like you had to park there if you needed a helicopter ride, which i would never do, so i ask where the walk out is, she says up 2 miles. I said can we go, and what I thought i heard was, not my car, southern drawl of course, so i roll up, 2 miles, get out and im speachless, i know, rare.

I comment on how beautiful it is to a security guy and he says ya it is, how did you get here? I said, we drove a rent a car, he says which one, I said a PT Cruiser, he says, oh the red one, and im like confused….He says ya….. your not allowed to be here.

I’m like your kidding, he’s like nope, its a federal offence, my boss is on his way.

So moments ruined now, I B-line for a trooper who has parked behind my car.  The front of my car is facing, the canyon….. I plead Canadian and he was nice.  He said we could have been arrested and they confiscate cameras…. good God..  So much for my bucket list.

I said we’re leaving and apologized my face off. ………. Then i asked him to take some pics quick before we left, pushing my luck as per usual, and he did. 

Turns out the lady said Not by car, my bad!

We raced back to Vegas, dropped off our friend who had an earlier flight, turned in the car, caught the shuttle from the parkly place, played nickle machines, cause thats how i roll, and waited for our flight.  I turned 40 flying over Seattle, and was so happy to be home and feeling better.  I dont recall ever being so tired, ever… 

Now back to business!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted: March 15th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments: none

I don’t need anything crazy happening to adore my perfect off spring!  Aside from everything being almost perfect in my life, I had the fright of my life today.  When I fell on my side walk this morning, I actually thought that was gonna be the worst of my day.   I’m vertically challenged, which i think should be an official diagnosis of some sort, since im short, I don’t have far to fall, unless im in heels!  That kinda hurts sometimes.

So today I get a call, from my son’s school, asking me if my Angel was home with me……I just dropped him off and watched him go in?????  Talk about zero to panic in 2.5 seconds. 

Ok so Ive gotten calls where a substitute teacher marked something wrong, they PA the class and its all good, not today.  If I could crawl through a phone and yell directly in your face, I would.  ” What are you telling me’ I said, ” Are you kidding me ” was next.  I always say that when im in shock or denial.

So the tremmers begin.  I fly outta here and basically leave the front door wide open.  ( My step Dad calls me helicopter Mom??  I’m driving, holding my cell talking to myself and threatening the phone. ” You better ring before I get there  , and I was serious.  It didn’t.

My sons a good kid, he doesn’t punk around parks.  I always know where he is, and if he skipped class, well it’s not even an option for him.   I arrive and they still dont know where he is.  I ask the Principal, and he calmly says, I dont know.  

Now i’m a mess,  they page him three times, nothing.  Im hyperventalating at this point in the office, I dont handle not knowing where he is AT ALL. This is nuts, im sweating like a freak, Im crying, like “chick crying”, naucious and they come back again…….nope, not here. 

I’m ready to hurl and the poor kid that was in shit in the office just shut up and took it.  I told the secretary I cant keep calm, Good God. ( thats my new phrase) Im 3 seconds away from calling the Police and his father, and the Prinicial comes up the stairs with him. 

Im ready to faint at this point.   I fall into a full blown bawl  and my son is off the embarassment meter and walks me in the councelling office.  Appologizing for my behaviour to his friend in the office. 

I guess his teacher fell and broke his foot the day before, the sub didnt mark him in and he was where he should be but couldn’t hear his name over the basketballs???

 I was trembling all the way home, the kind of trembling when your head sweats and your not even working out.   He’s was fine.   I need one of them ativans i take when i go to the dentist and I think the poor dude is not going to have too much away time from Mom till I can heal properly.   Poor thing! Were hiking all weekend!

I was basically done for the day, and ready to drink at 1100 am…..  He’s lucky I let him stay!  When I picked him I did ask what the Principal said when he called him out of class, he thought he was being busted for chucking snowballs, the Principal replied, your Mom’s hysterical, you need to come with me.

Good God, I booked a flight to Vegas in my recovery mode, everythings gonna be OK!

Posted: January 9th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments: none

Well my show went amazingly awesome.  Crazy thing, I wasn’t nervous at ALL.  Not even a millabit.   I tried 4 new jokes, got some applause laughter, and even did a couple call backs.  It was easier than riding a bike, because the chances of falling off stage were pretty slim….. Although it has happened to me, at the Agrodome, but we wont talk about that.  What a tool that makes you feel like. I had done a show before at the venue I just performed at a couple years ago for the Cops for Cancer Campaign.  The stage used to be behind a pillar and the mic system wasn’t too hot. It’s bad enough when they can’t see you but not hear you, that’s rough.  I called in advance to see if it was changed and it was!  After the show I got carded by another local producer and got invited to go do his room.   Tre yay…Tons of folks telling you your great is always good and polished even better. 

It’s Halloween today and I hate dressing up. I will however dig out my Halloween hat. I told my barista at Starbucks im going as a cougar this year.  He ran !! 

I came home from the island with a lovely leak in my basement, I think my house is jinxed or something.  I am mentally planning an escape plan for the Diva Den.  If my hats and boas get damaged…… I think ill move a bunch of stuff to the garage.  Ya that’s what I’ll do while I wait for the plumber to show up.  Hopefully he’s cute and knows what he’s doing. I mean really, if ya gotta watch someone work for three hours it’s always better when their easy on the eyes!!! 

Posted: October 31st, 2008 under Uncategorized.
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Well the craziest thing happened. I applied for a comedy competition but the spots were all filled.  Then after 5 weeks, someone backed out?  So they called me today and want me to perform tonight!  So now im in the semi finals and i havent even performed. 

Its a good opportunity for me to test some new stuff and maybe get to the finals.  In any case, I’m glad because I only had 7 hours to stress!. So im off, hitting the stage around 8 tonight.  I sorted a set list and took out all the filler, so just the funny.  

Im super stoked, and after seeing the shows in Victoria, and what they get away with on stage, this is gonna be a fun nite.  Mommas got her game on!

321, B Funny

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Posted: October 29th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
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Well the island is one of my fave places.  I just got back and had the best time.  I took my son, and a client of mine that likes to see our capital as often as I.  I hit all the usual places.  John’s Place for Breaky, LOVE the eggs benny there. 

Its a little hard on me to go there now, I do go everytime out of habit i guess.  Its sits on Pandora St and you can see my cousins apartment building where she died tragically last year.  We used to meet at John’s Place all the time. 

Our family has had the most precious jewel taken from us.  Sometimes I think i’m in denial, but being there, and having her not be there, hits me hard.  The poor guy sat me in the window when I went last year and i didnt realize I could see her place and anyway, I started to tremble, and although he had no idea why,   somehow he could tell I wasn’t comfortable.  He asked me if I wanted to sit somewhere else,  and I did.    BTW can take your benny to go.

Ok,  so happier times.   I hit the hat store, Robertas hats,  on Government, which for me, is a must.  I drooled again and actually didnt buy one, but my client did.  She was so excited to have a hat from the same store as me, so cute.   Her middle name is Roberta too, which makes me look like a genius !

We were about to hit the shoe store and Starbucks across the street when the weirdest thing happened.  Zombies started appearing.  At first I thought, ok cute, its some Michael Jackson Thriller dance thing some Facebook group started, I was sure I had heard about spontanious Zombie dancing on Subways for a contest, but the Zombies didnt seem to have an end to them.  They just kept coming at us!!  I mean like 3000 or so.  I realized I had made a huge mistake trying to cross with my client and tried to get her back to the car.  I seriously thought i was being punked…..  Turns out it was annual walking zombie day.  Who knew?  I guess everybody in the world except me. I hate it when that happens. 

They marched  through town and end up on the steps of Parliament.  Well we split for Fantam alley where i was sure they already invaded.  Some people had fake bolts and blood all over them. They were moaning in unison and dragging their legs and some even crawled. It was quite the site.  Besides freaking out my client, it was all in fun, until i saw a baby covered in blood, that was about the only thing that pissed me off.  Lil bit weird, but now i know October is Zombie month and ill try to avoid that party again, unless im alone of course.  The funnest part I think was 2 Police officers stood at the top step of parliament where they all had gathered, in a sure sort of stance, with their arms folded and looking serious.  And then, just like that, it was over.  The zombies just left without incident.  Not a word from them or the Police. 

We hit Beacon Hill Park, the Wax Museum and met Nick the Clydesdale horse pulling carriages out front of the Parliament Buildings.  ( Which I think is mean, but no one cares) 

We had a fab time and it turned out my hotel was a block from the Strathcona Hotel, where my fave bar Big Bad Johns is.  Love it!  Wayyyyy too convenient for me! Thank you hotels.com !

When I was driving off the ferry I saw some guy staring at my car unusually?  I stared back and figured out who it was, Damonde Tchritter, a hilarious Vancouver Comic who was headlining a new club called Hecklers there.  At the lights he invited me to his show, so after everyone was tucked in with movies and burnt out from the day, I bugged out for some funny.  What a hoot Damonde is and what a show he puts on.  You must check him out.  It was the best medicine ever for me to see a show like that and it made my day even better.  The next day I was returning some movies for my son and saw Richard Letts name on the old Tally Ho sign on Douglas where I have toured many times in the past.  I ran in, left him a note and went off to dinner.  Again, since everyone was burnt out I burned down to his show.  

I made sure I sat up front and smiled very big .  Richard, another friend battling cancer, said hello Kimberley, I said hello Richard,  im here now, be funny!  He had a good show too. Then I obsconded off with him in the Comedy Cruiser to go for some drinks.  Richard has always supported my shows, and Im glad the chemo rid him of Cancer. He is tre brave!!

I spent Sunday having lunch with My Auntie RRRRRROse,  she is so adorable.  My other Auntie and  Uncle asked me to join them all at the usual Sunday Brunch place in Sidney which really made my day.  Everyone seems to be great, grand even.  I do think the island needs a comedy overhaul though.  We were close to the ferry and off we went, the last one on again, but hey I know people!

Its was the perfect time to do a lil Comedy CSI’ing, even thought i hadnt planned on it, I now have even more big ideas ! Stay Tuned!!!

Posted: October 27th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
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Well finally I have some fun news to blog about!!  So many things are keeping me busy these dayz.  On a personal note, I’ve had a couple friends close to be battling cancer, I try to help out when needed and sometimes just calling or running a meal over is all thats required.  It sure does make you feel grateful for being healthy.  My friend Dorothy has been sick, which is off the sad meter for me.  She needs assisted living now and thankfully I can go see her in her new place.  She is getting more and more forgetful, but still knows me and smiles when I show up!  Old age facilities are sorta sad.  I arrived one day and had this lady in a wheelchair ask me if she could ” help me”.

Now i get dooped easy apparantly so I said, im good, but thanks !!! I think she wanted me to enter the code on the exit door so she could escape!  Them tricksters! She even had her escape shoes on !  I had a good visit with Dorothy and made sure she was being treated right. I have no problem asking loud questions like, are you happy here and are they treating you right etc, even when staff are within ear shot.  I actually make a point of it to be true.  I helped Dorothy with some Ensure stuff she hates and said she had to have it to keep her vitamins up!  Sometimes when i visit its hard to find Dorothy, everyones lined up older, and grey hair etc, but she always has her sparkly hat on, which I love!  When I was leaving a lady told me to take off Dorothys hat, cause she was inside.  I turned back on my way out and said the hat stays on, its Dorothy thing and she loves it… 

Work wise, well I do have a day job, I look after two ladies that need a lil help!  This allows me to work from home, be there for my son, and fire out proposals and still go to networking functions, ( only if their worth my time, and not just a party).

I almost went to NYC last month for the TV Fest, but a few variables werent working for me and I didnt go.  On the brighter side I did go to the annual Women in Film Martini Madness party a week later at the Macaroni Grill on Davie, tre nice. I met a lady who went to the NYTV Festival, sat in on the sessions I had mapped out ironically and told me some pretty valuable info on who is looking for my kind of programming. 

So, this is good news I say. I had applied to pitch my show at the NYTVF, through the Banff TV Festival Pilot Program and was turned down.  This is starting to annoy me, lots.  I have worked so hard at this project and finally have come to an amazing epiphany.  The Canadian Comedy television scene is a monopoly of men, and I hate games!!  And Ive wasted so much time pitching to a Canadian demographic that basically aren’t  budging, so I diversify.  Ive decided to try a few more markets here but simutaneously pitch to American and other foreign tv markets. 

So whats happening, why does it take so long?  Each time you pitch to a market you have to know what their looking for. Find contact info, hope their not on vacation, see what their protocol is for pitching.  Sign non disclosure or confidentialy agreements, if they have one??  Put together a pitch or presentation package accordingly, wait, wait, follow up and hopefully get some grease.  Its also a not good to  mass pitch or blanket pitch to tons of places at the same time. 

I must say that whenever a door closes on me, a window opens so Im still over 80 % there.   For a women to be in the business industry, the TV industry and a Comedian, im almost looking for the rough road im sure.  Thing is, i’m learning like a sponge, I’m making progress, and I’m not going away! 

So American TV and international Markets, here I come. Singapore Channel 4, I know you have a Canadian Entertainment Channel,  just so you can learn our culture and language.  I dont care where first, second, or third window is anymore, im writing for season 2!

Im also taking a course in November that teaches me, How to create self distribution business models, Pitching to Advertising Agencies instead of Broadcasters, Using cross promotion methods to develop interest in series, using the pilot. How to create “Buzz” about a project you are developing, How to involve and at what point to bring investors on board. Under CRTC regulations learn how you can purchase air time and sell your own commercial space to advertisers, How to get your project sold on DVD direct to retail,-Speaking an investors language. What they want to see in a project. What is the MUZE database and why is it important to have your finished project listed, using the largest U.S film wholesalers Ingrams and Baker - Taylor to drop-ship completed DVD projects and more, whewwwwwwwww

So thanks for thinking bout me, and cheering me on, and checking out my site. And to those that have turned me down so many times, thank you as well.  Theres more than one side of the moon to land on and i’ve got some pretty thick skin after all this time.  I’ve mass produced a new trailer and copies of my first episode.  I’ll be upgrading the front page with some fabulous new information and a second Comedy Cruiser that is as Vaudeville as it gets.  

Life is good, my show rocks, and im thanking God I live in a free country, with freedom of speech. Sometimes when your not following the beatin path and your blazing your own trail …………………………..it takes longer, lucky I dont care!!!!!

Posted: October 27th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
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Kimberley’s Birthday Party !!! 2008 

It’s that exciting time of year again

When

Kimberley

Has yet another super

Birthday Bash

 

I know you’ve all been checking your email and calling.

I have finally made up my mind.

 

This years super Birthday Party Day

Will start whenever

Kimberley rolls out of bed and skillfully makes her way to Timmies for a breakfast sandwich, with and extra egg, before 11 of course

And then to Starbucks for her

usual hearts, kisses and happy face iced coffee

Now with half sugar free mocha and half regular mocha

 a splash of non fat milk and extra ice 

 

The new Diva Headquarters has moved

Not because people were stalking me but

Because they sold my other house

Those bastards !!!!!!!!!

Now im in

Queens Park

 

Ok not in the park literally 

But you know around the outside pretty damn close.

 

Kimberley also has her own island now and is

Inviting you, of course, on March 1^st

                                               To join her on her island while we                                              

Sip pineapple drinks from her

Super blender, that makes

Her look like a bartender

And

Of course cookies and tapas

Aaaaaaaaaaand

Her famous humus and bruschetta

That’s still not spelled right

The island is actually located in

Kimberley’s kitchen

At 5 PM you can come over !!!

Call for the address or you’ll never find me!

Or you could just drive around and yell my name like some freakish ex’s of mine…..but I hate that,,, really, dont

After all the homemade heart felt cards are opened

And after all the flowers are in their vases

And all the jewellery is put on

 

The limo, with extra vodka of course, hopefully black

Will show up at the Diva Den to take us toooooo

(This is the exciting part) 

The Lions Den at 7:30 PM

Saturday March 1^st, 2008

Which will be turned quickly into the Diva Den

after I show up around 8

 

Don’t worry I have feather boas for everybody…

The Lions Den

is a sports bar in the Boulevard Casino in Coquitlem. 

You know the

Red Robinson Theatre Place

. Close to a busy highway central to everyone.

There’s some live band playing that looks fun and I hear they have a huge dance floor

Then again if your doing jello shooters with me in the limo

You wont care where were going.

 

Now the motor home from 2007 was fun

But

Kimberley didn’t realize that sleeping in the motor home would be so damn cold

so this year she was going to rent a hotel room.

But since she has toured extensively and had to stay in hotels so much she now hates them

unless she absolutely has to .

So to avoid the freezing drama she is going to just go home

 

Unless I find some cool yummy person

Ditch you

And forget I even had a party

 

Hope you can make it

Kimberley

 

PS Don’t forget my card !!!!!!

Musical ones no longer accepted….

but singing telegrams are ok

To the people that were going to put an ad in the paper wishing me a happy 40^th  

I’m onto you.

 

Posted: March 24th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: none

So if you don’t know me, here’s the deal.  I hate games.  Head games, board games, video games, sport games, card games, etc.  I’m sure they call them board games for a reason.  I’m good for maybe one Scrabble game, one Back Gammon game and maybe one Crib game per decade, but only if I really like you.  Bingo won’t happen ever again, bowling may make me go into a comma. I have the attention span of maybe a minute, so if I haven’t been swept off my feet intellectually by then, you’ve lost me.

 

This makes this next blog, the funniest thing ever for me.  I’m not sure what is more annoying video games or the noise they make but I just can’t play them at all.  In fact I don’t watch them ever because they’re not around me much so the graphics are freaking me out.  Amazing.

 

Yesterday I went to my friends place and she’s a gamer.  That’s was a whole other term in my day but anyway, she has this X Box.  I’ve heard of Guitar Hero but never seen it till my visit over there.  My son was of course drooling and patiently waiting for her to finish some 8 minute song on expert.  I was nagged until I gave it a try.   Now me with any kind of modern technology is fun enough to watch but this was freaking the most fun I’ve had in a very long time. 

 

They explained it to me and then loaded me up.  I picked Talk Dirty To Me by Poison,  cause its sounds cool, its got a good beat and hey you can dance to it.  I missed and got booed out of my own show the first time.  Then I had this vendetta thing happen and I had to get it, or at least try to get my audience back loving me.  ( They were chanting when I came out, that’s all im saying!!)

 

So I try again on practice and people were leaving the room.  I guess it was too painful to watch.  Then, by some weird weird revolution I got it.  And I was so excited I nearly smashed the thing lol.  So hears the deal, if you’re doing well and you’re a beginner, you can’t blink,  or you’ll miss a note and ruin your streak.  

That’s lingo~

 

So there I am, trying to get Star Power lol which apparently I don’t know what to do with once I get it and freaking laughing my face off.   I was told by the youngens that you have to blink on the long notes, which duh, makes super good sense.   I had tears rolling down my face from not blinking for three minutes.  

 

So now,im one of the coolest Moms in the world.  I got 89% before I could put the damn thing down.  It’s so much damn fun I think technically it should be illegal.  So ya,if you see me around and want my autograph now, just ask nice.  And if you have Guitar Hero, CALL ME.  Im good for about 4 songs and im kind of working on Welcome to the Jungle and I need some practice time.  I may challenge Slash even.  I’m going to need a bigger arena for my ego, but for now, I have to go, my band is waiting for me somewhere.

 

Oh and by the way, its official, I Rock!!!!!

 

 

Posted: March 24th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
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